Doctor Who at the Baths: 'Episode' 1. The Doctor and Bladud

Some of you guys may have read my Doctor Who Takes a Tour of the Baths post, and seen how I have taken some photos of my Tardis at the Baths, (just because I am cool) to go with it. Well while I was prancing around with said Tardis, a tourist actually came up and asked me what I was doing and I told him about my blog and he said him and his friends will give it a read. At which point I thought, shit, this isn't actually that good! So in the spirit of Doctor Who and maybe getting a few more reads I have decided to turn my tour into a series of Doctor Who 'episodes'. (Also my train was delayed and I was bored!) So here is the first instalment of Doctor Who at the Roman Baths.

    "Doctor? Doctor! What's going on?!" I shouted.
Lights were flashing, things were beeping, bells were ringing and that might have just been a cow moo-ing...
    "Err..." the Doctor said, head popping up from underneath the console. He grinned, "I think we're going to crash!"
    "Crash!? What do you mean cra-"
The Tardis crashed. With an angry hiss, smoke started to pour out of the main control panel. The Doctor reappeared, this time with a hammer, and began hitting various things before giving up and throwing it over his shoulder to land with the sound of breaking glass.
    "Well that's that! Should give the old girl some time and space to recover!"
    "So what are we going to do? You were meant to be taking me to the beaches of Clarilitum." I muttered, folding my arms.
    "Ah Clarilitum! A beautiful place, the locals have some crazy customs... very crazy..." The Doctor trailed off.
    "Doctor? ....Crashed Tardis, what are we going to do?"
    "Yes... yes! Why we'll go exploring! What else do we do?" The Doctor strode to the door, stepped outside, and sank up to his knees in hot mud.
    "Of all the places, you had to crash in to a swamp didn't you? What planet have we ended up on now?"
The Doctor waded around, stuck his finger into the mud, pulled it out and then sucked it clean.
    "Eewwww" I grimaced.
    "Ah ha!" He spun round. "We're not that far from your home actually! Earth. England. Well, what will become England anyway. This is a strange place though. Come on in! The water's lovely! And I mean it, must be around 40oC or 115oF, if not  a bit more... Lovely taste of bloody eggs, by which I mean iron and sulphur, along with other delicacies; lovely stuff!" the Doctor started to wonder off, "This way!"
    "I hate it when you get all technical like that. Wait, where are you going?" I said, gingerly stepping into the warm mud and began to wade after him.
    "This way, I think I heard something"

We wondered off in the vague direction of the sounds and soon enough the sounds became clearer; the squelch of mud, the snuffling and snorting of pigs, and more disturbingly, a man crying. We walked up to him.
    "Are you alright?" I asked cautiously.
    "Alright?" The man replied. He was a Celt, and at this point in time, completely naked and covered from head to foot in mud. "I'm... I'm cured! Praise Sulis!" He reached his hands to the sky, laughing through his tears.
    "Cured? From what exactly?" The Doctor was starting to sound interested.
    "And who is Sulis?" I added.
    "An Early Celtic Goddess which confirms my suspicions that we are in BC England..." The Doctor murmered in my ear.
    "How on earth did you know that?"
The Doctor winked, "I'm clever see?" He turned back to the muddy man. "We're travellers here, but I'm the Doctor, maybe I can help?"
    "I don't need a doctor, I'm cured!" The man beamed again. "Percinious!" he suddenly yelled, his attention drawn by a wondering pig. "Come back here!"
   "Percinious... the pig...?"
   "Percy for short! He has a mind of his own, that pig, but it's thanks to him that I am now cured so I won't hold it against him! Come! I have ale back at camp, I would tell you my tale. My name is Bladud, son of King Rud Hud Hudibras and I used to be prince.But, I became sick, sores on my skin, bleeding, rotting, so my father banished me."
   "That seems a bit harsh to do to your own son. You poor thing!" I said.
We had arrived at Bladud's camp and he shrugged, passing a skin of ale to the Doctor before sitting down.
    "A sick man cannot rule, so I left, and instead of ruling my people I rule these pigs instead! I resented it at first, but now I love these beasts!" He reached over to stroke one of them close to him. "But no matter how careful I am, some of them always wonder off and get into trouble, especially that Percinious! They'd come back with scrapes and sores from brambles and rocks. But the other day when I was looking for Percy I stumbled upon that Holy place. The breath of the Goddess resides there."
    "He means the steam..." The Doctor interjected.
    "Sulis is strong in this place, you should watch your tongue." He continued: "Percy had waded into the mud and gotten stuck, so I had to go in to hoik him out. That is when I realised the power of this place, for the mud and the waters are warm. When I managed to get Percy out I checked him over for injuries and realised that not only did he not have any new wounds from his adventures, but his old ones were healed!"
The Doctor arched his eyebrow
    "You may scoff unbeliever" Bladud drank deep from the ale.
    "I am sorry, I do not scoff! Continue, please."
    "Well I was astounded, but confused. Given my situation, the Gods have not been kind to me, so I tested it."
   "You tested it?" I interupted.
Bladud nodded, "I sat down with my pigs and made a note of any wounds or anything in the evening, and then the next day I came back to the swamp and let the pigs wallow for the day. Pigs love a good wallow, especially if it is warm!"
    "So what did your test reveal?" The Doctor asked.
    "It was true! The pigs came out healthier than they had ever been! This was far too good an opportunity for me to miss. I love these pigs but I miss my family and will give anything to return to them, so I stripped off and jumped in and had a good wallow with my pigs. And now I am cured! Check for yourself, not a mark or a sore on me!" His eyes welled with tears again, "I can go home to my family!"
    "And become King!" I cheered.
    "That is just a small plus! The first thing I will do when I become King is build a shrine here to the Goddess Sulis, to thank her for healing me! Doctor! Friend! Will you join me on my triumphant return to my people?"
    "Errm, maybe not just yet..." The Doctor stalled, "a newly healed prince with two strangers, isn't the best combination, we'll head back to the Tardis for now I think and join you when the questions have stopped!"
    "The what?"
    "He means we forgot our... packs... on the other side of the swamp! Stupid us! Always forgetting things! We'll rejoin you in time for the party!" I said hurriedly.
    "'Bladud', betting you like a good party! We'll see you in a bit King Pig herder"

The Doctor waved Bladud off and we both turned back towards the Tardis.
    "Come on Partner, lets see how the Tardis is feeling."
    "So...?" I asked.
    "So what?"
    "So, do you think the Goddess cured him? or is there a perfectly reasonable explanation?"
    "Well some of it has a reasonable explanation, the water is hot because it has been heated by the geothermal energies of the earth. My guess is there is a fault in the rock which allows the water to come up here under immense pressure. That is how most springs form, you see. This is the only hot spring in England though, which makes it extra special! And the hot water creates steam which explains the 'Goddess' breath'. It is understandable for them to place faith in their Gods here."
He was quiet for a moment.
    "Ah King Bladud! I thought I knew him."
    "So he does become King then?"
    "Oh yes. He fathers King Lear, the legendary King of Shakespeare. Right, lets see how the old girl is doing."
    "Ah good ol' Shakespeare! He always pops up somewhere!" I grinned.

We had reached the Tardis and the Doctor unlocked the door, jumping up to the controls.
    "Just a quick test" he murmured, fondling the controls with care, "don't want to miss all the fun of a newly made king!"
There was a bang and the Tardis shook, materialising and then re-materialising in less than a minute.
    "Errr, where are we?" I asked, knowing I wouldn't like the answer that was coming.
    "I think we are still here, the coordinates are the same. What's up old girl? Feeling a bit poorly?" The Doctor cooed, stroking the Tardis.
    "Come on, lets find Bladud and Percious, I'll be annoyed if we've missed the party!"
    "Right you are Partner!" The Doctor bounded down to the door, pulling it open, "we'll be fine, have I ever steered you wrong?! .....oh..." The Doctor had opened the door onto a Roman street. "hmmm. This wasn't here before...."

Cue Doctor Who ending music *ooooweeeeooooooooodooodadoooooooodooodooodooooodoooo....*

To Be Continued!!

The Doctor has arrived on a strange watery planet...

Read the next instalment at: Doctor Who and Sulinus!
(Doctor Who, the Tardis and all other awesome related things are copyrighted by the BBC etc etc)