The Commuter - a short story

So I want to get back into writing again as no longer being a student I have nothing creative or intelligent to put my mind to. This is something I knocked up in half an hour while I was on the train home, inspired by a gentleman sat opposite me. It is the first short piece I have written, also the first one without any death or murder or violence so I am not sure if it is actually any good! Feel free to comment about what you think...

The Commuter 

He sat there, slowly taking sips from his cardboard cup of scolding hot, yet pitifully weak coffee. The train rocked on the tracks, causing the person squeezed into the seat next to him to jostle his arm as he lowered his coffee back down. He raised his eyebrow slightly, the only sign of annoyance he made. He sighed and took off his glasses so he could rub at his tired eyes. It was only 4 o'clock but it was already dark outside and rain lashed the windows as the train sped through the English countryside. A combination of earlier winter nights and terrible British weather made for great travelling. The weather would only get worse when he got off the train and trudged to his empty flat. A stereotypical presumption about living in Wales, but at this time of year almost certainly true. He finished rubbing his eyes and replaced his glasses firmly on the bridge of his nose. Two hours from London to Cardiff, enough time for him to go over and finalise the proposal that his boss was nagging him about. First week back after the Christmas break and already the relaxed atmosphere had been replaced by stress and caffeine highs once more.

He sighed and refocused his eyes on his laptop screen. Thankfully he had managed to find a seat at a table so had room to work. Unfortunately due to rush hour he didn't have much leg room. Or space to think. The carriage had the faint whiff of wet dog and was full of damp grumpy commuters and excited students, returning back from home to their life of alcohol fueled *studying*. It was a while since he had been a student. A while since he had been able to drink his night away in a club with friends, not having a care in the world. But he was in the *real world* as they call it. A pencil pushing office man, working all day and night to make that little bit more money for someone else to enjoy.

He reached into his bag and pulled out a sandwich, opened it with his teeth and started munching while he loaded his proposal up onto the screen. His laptop was slow, struggling at loading simple programs. He really should send it in to get it fixed but when would he have the time for that? His friend said he would have a look at it next time he came over, but when does he have time to socialise these days? His other friend said he should invest in a Macbook. Super efficient and bang up to date. But when would he be able to afford to spend that much on himself? Especially just after Christmas. No. He will just have to sit and wait for it to load. And try not to throw it out the door at the next station stop. The program loaded and he quickly scanned the text to see where he had got up to and obediently started typing away. He momentarily worried that the repeated tap tap tap of his keys would annoy the other passengers, but a quick glance around showed him they were all absorbed in their own personal world of misery and technology.

"The next station stop is Swindon. If you are leaving the service here please make sure you take all of your personal belongings with you and mind the gap between the train and the platform edge. The next station stop is Swindon." The tannoy blared out. This was followed by a crowd of people slowly getting out of their seats, stretching their aching limbs and reaching for their belongings. He was knocked and bustled by the people leaving, yet was given one minute of calm in which he could relax and regain a bit more space in his seat. The calm didn't last for long though as a young mother with a screaming toddler jammed into the seat next to him. She rammed a lollipop into the wide screaming mouth of her child and then proceeded to make a very loud angry phone call to someone called "Jake".

He let out a deep irritated sigh. The proposal can wait. He closed the program and started up the next episode of Breaking Bad and settled back in his seat.